Thursday, July 8, 2010

Quiet Celebration

In anticipation of Cooper's 3rd Birthday and the 1st anniversary of earning his wings, I was fortunate to be granted a few weeks off work. We headed for the solace of the sand, the waves, the breeze, and the fish. David and I spent Cooper's birthday in Cabo, and went on a snorkeling adventure. We visited the place where the Sea of Cortez meets the Pacific Ocean, saw manta rays, a guitar shark, dolphins, held a few starfish and swam with hundreds of fluorescent fish. It feels weird to call it a "celebration" without Cooper here to actually be turning 3. We wrote Cooper a birthday message in the sand which quickly washed away by the gianormous crashing waves, as if the ocean were the messenger. Our adventure seemed more reflective of the things reminding us of our little boy, a quiet celebration, and that felt good.

Today has been a year, one whole year, since Cooper earned his angel wings. It was hard to sleep last night just thinking of how different things were on this day, down to the hours. Images of what we were doing the night before he died drift in and out of my mind; David, Cooper, and I had all taken up camp in our living room sleeping together in shifts on the hide-a-bed because it was easier to access the oxygen concentrator and the kitchen for mixing meds. It's still all very surreal. We choose to focus the good times, and the happy moments, so today is especially hard because it's the day our light went out.
It will be a hard day, but I know we will get through it. These are the memories that hurt, yet they are the memories that compel us to live each day to the fullest, for Cooper.
A full moon every night. Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Cooper

Peace & Wonder


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